National Max

Illustration by Ryan Little

Canada says, “Nationalists fuck off (for now)”.

Instagram: @rynlttl
Portfolio: www.ryanjosephlittle.com

America First; Unless we have to pay taxes or a minimum wage, of course

Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by T. LeMonde

Tomi Lahren and Ivanka Trump’s use of foreign sweatshops to manufacture ‘American’ products is a ‘UGE joke.

Maybe they are, too.

America First; After Saudi Arabia and Israel, of course

Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by T. LeMonde

Choosing political issues to write about on a weekly basis can be challenging. There are quite a few topics that bounce around the political microcosm, and no doubt many of them are easy to crack jokes at. But sometimes, none seem to touch the corners of our proverbial screen saver; they just don’t seem very important.

So that’s why, for this high-brow blog post, we’ll be writing about topics and themes that have popped up many times before…

Oil!

Money!!

War!!!

On September 14th, 2019, drones attacked U.S. owned oil fields in Saudi Arabia. Although the Yemeni Houthi movement has since admitted to sending the drones in response to the genocide that Saudi Arabia has been committing in Yemen since 2015, the United States and Saudi Arabian government, as well as Germany, France, and the U.K., have blamed Iran for the attacks. No parties, however, have shown conclusive evidence in support of these accusations, which have all been denied by Iran’s president.

Along with these allegations came rumours or Iraq’s involvement. It was said that these bombings were in retaliation to previous drone strikes done by Israel. These rumours were quickly swept aside, due to it being less convenient, and two wars can’t be fought in Iraq.

That’d just be silly.

But nonetheless;

Because of the attacks, oil production slowed (for a short time), which in turn made the Saudi oil barons dissatisfied.

On September 20th, as a way to appease the wealthy reptilian bipeds, Secretary of Defense Mark Esper told reporters that American troops would be deployed to guard the Saudi oil fields, stating that “the United States has a responsibility to protect our citizens and our interests in the region”.

Mostly the Saudi monarch’s interests though, right, Mark?

The Ko*h Brothers

Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by T. LeMonde

We here at Trump le Monde, Inc. have a deep respect for those who have passed away, no matter who they may be. This respect is why we have waited to post any sort of article or illustration that may remind people why the Koch family are the worst. But 3 weeks is plenty of time to grieve the loss of a Koch, and Gods know they can just build a new one, so without further ado;

An article!

There are many topics that one may choose to write about when writing about the Koch family. More specifically, when writing about David (1940-2019) and Charles (1935-????) Koch.

Some topics may include:

  • Their inheritance of their father’s multi-billion dollar oil company, and the irony of the Koch Brothers belonging to a class of people who push to limit those who need assistance to afford food and shelter.
  • Their funding of conservative think-tanks and organizations as a way to push their ideology and skew studies that may not be in their favour.
  • Their push for tax cuts for the wealthy.
  • Their push against Medicare, and the irony of David Koch’s (probably preventable) death.
  • Their part in creating the political model that much of the western world relies on today, and the increasing divide between the “left” and “right”.
  • Maybe the fact that there is NO WAY their last name is ACTUALLY pronounced “Coke”.

You see, there’s just so much to choose from! And truthfully, it hurts our poor, tiny brains just thinking about it all.

That’s why, in this article, we won’t be writing about any of it!

Instead, we’re going to leave you with the best thing any Koch could give this world;

Wyatt Ingraham Koch

Let’s Say…

Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by T. LeMonde

As he looked around the room,
A grin came ‘cross his face.
Ben’s favourite time, it’s finally here;
The dreaded Q&A!

Dreaded by Millenials,
And Generation Z’s.
For genius is Ben’s mighty sword.
His kippah is the sheath.

Yet he knew that they’ll still form,
And wait their turn in line.
They’d prepared Ben their questionnaires.
Their questions; weak as twine.

So they asked, and Ben did cut,
With answers full of fact.
Or so he’d state, then followed by,
“’Cus feelings, you shan’t act”.

But Biases help him pick,
Choose all the facts he sees.
“Let’s say…” he’d start, no fact in mind,
Just pure hyperbole.

But his tongue moved quick, leaving
All flustered and annoyed.
But a room left quiet’s winning.
All arguments; “destroyed”.

Fanning the Flames

Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by T. LeMonde

War hero, anti-environmentalist and current President of Brazil, Jair Bolsonaro, is facing an environmental crisis the likes of which the world has never seen! And how is he choosing to combat it, you wonder? By complaining about “insults” hurled at him by some French dude and rejecting any foreign aid, of course!

But shouldn’t Jair be worried for the well-being of the Amazon, A natural monument that is responsible for 15-20% of the world’s oxygen? Maybe a little concerned for the many ecosystems the rain forest helps support?

Nah.

Instead, his focus seems to be on development, gold mining, the cattle industry and the “foreign environmentalists” who started the fires.

But much like Jair, we here at Trump le Monde, Inc. will not fret, and we ask all of our dear reader(s) to follow suit;

For growing up in a southern Ontario suburb has made us well aware that clear cutting, or in this case, possibly government funded arson, is the first step to diversifying and strengthening community!

Plus, it’s not clear cutting if they plant a bunch of tiny trees along the curb of each street.