Took the Words Right Outta My Mouth

Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by T. LeMonde

The names given to diseases and viruses can be such a mouthful.  

Severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2)? 

Coronaviruse disease (COVID-19)?  

Who the hell has time to say THOSE?  

The American population needs answers quick! People are frightened for their lives, and the last thing they want to do is listen to a blithering idiot sound out these unnecessarily long names. A short (and albeit catchy) name will do just fine, and although we tend to agree with the nicknames Trump bestows upon people (e.g. Mini Mike), viruses don’t seem to be his forte. 

A viruses’ alternative name should not promote a racist agenda, or further disinform the population by perpetuating the idea that only people of Asian descent can contract this disease. Instead, it should calm the nerves of a public that is on the edge of the (proverbial) cliff.  

And that’s why, we here at Trump le Monde, Inc. have brought you a list of proposed nicknames that are guaranteed to entice, while not hurting anybody’s feelings.  

Enjoy! 

  1. Prickly B-Ball 
  2. CorporateGreedElbowSneeze 
  3. Gamer’s Delight 
  4. March Break 
  5. Cave Dwella’, Goodbye Fella’ 
  6. Microbial Hackysack 
  7. CoughyNoCream 
  8. Anything Other Than “Chinese Virus” 

Please feel free to use any of these non-discriminatory nicknames throughout your daily corona-themed discussions, and if you come up with any of your own, let us know in the comment section! 

 

*A little about the image: Another image from the vaults, originally published to Trump le Monde on December 20th of 2017, when resident artist, Scott Shields, was still using pen and ink. It was a different, healthier(???) time, but this image still seems to apply to today. 

Klobuchar’s Ketchup

Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by T. LeMonde

As military budgets rose, the Reagan Administration’s war on the poor introduced malnutrition and obesity into the lives of children in the 1980s. By cutting lunch budgets, schools were tasked with finding alternative ways of incorporating vegetables into the students’ diets;

Ketchup!

 

“We reached the point a few weeks ago where all of the men who were on the debate stage all had … super PACs … to fund a campaign, and the only people who didn’t have them were the two women,” Elizabeth Warren once said. 

Although it was true at the time (they are now both backed by super PACs), Warren’s statement overlooked the fact that multiple billion-dollar corporations were donating to Amy Klobuchar’s campaign. Most notably her third highest donor; Cargill, Inc., a corporation ripe with criticism over their environmental, human rights and financial infringements.

Amy’s relationship with the agricultural corporation didn’t start with her presidential campaign, however. Throughout her career in politics, she has voted in tow with Cargill’s demands, including in 2011, when she asked the Obama Administration’s Secretary of Agriculture to continue counting tomato paste as a vegetable in school lunches.

 

But alas; even though Congress passed a bill preventing the increase in tomato paste required to be considered a vegetable, this Reagan era battle was doomed to fail.

Tomatoes are fruits.

Vanity

Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by T. LeMonde

We can only illustrate how much Justin Trudeau loves oil so many times. So this time around, we thought we’d let the man himself describe his relationship with the non-renewable resource.

But this illustration isn’t about that. It’s about Justin’s dishonesty towards Canada’s Wet’suwet’en people and the indigenous population in general.

 

I would also like to point out the silliness of Andrew Scheer muttering the phrase “check your privilege”. 

It’s no surprise that Scheer would side with these corporations, having worked for them and all. But after being caught stealing money from Conservative Party funds to pay for his children’s private education, and announcing that he’d step down as Conservative Party leader, but still holding the position 2 months later, you’d think he’d choose his words a bit more carefully. 

But I’m not a politician, so what do I know. 

Outta the Park

Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by T. LeMonde

A haiku, in response to the acquittal:

Donald acquitted.
Batting average; gone up through
No skill of their own.


On this Eve of Trump le Monde’s renewal, we’d like to take a moment to thank you, our readers (if you exist), for coming back every week.

We try to bring you only the “best” in political and satirical commentary, and honestly, we’re quite happy with what this project has become over the year. We can only hope that you are, too!

Anyways,

As you may know, a lot of stuff happened last week in American politics, and we here at Trump le Monde, Inc. are trying our best to catch up. Luckily, nothing TOO important happened this week, so we’ve been able to keep with our “post once a week” schedule.

There was, however, the recent New Hampshire caucus, in which the establishment proved yet again that it would ABSOLUTELY hate a Bernie nomination. But drawing the same illustration over and over again seems redundant, so let’s just pretend “Iowa Part 2” is about every 2020 caucus. Here’s a great video by Kim Iversen about New Hampshire though.