The Ko*h Brothers

Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by T. LeMonde

We here at Trump le Monde, Inc. have a deep respect for those who have passed away, no matter who they may be. This respect is why we have waited to post any sort of article or illustration that may remind people why the Koch family are the worst. But 3 weeks is plenty of time to grieve the loss of a Koch, and Gods know they can just build a new one, so without further ado;

An article!

There are many topics that one may choose to write about when writing about the Koch family. More specifically, when writing about David (1940-2019) and Charles (1935-????) Koch.

Some topics may include:

  • Their inheritance of their father’s multi-billion dollar oil company, and the irony of the Koch Brothers belonging to a class of people who push to limit those who need assistance to afford food and shelter.
  • Their funding of conservative think-tanks and organizations as a way to push their ideology and skew studies that may not be in their favour.
  • Their push for tax cuts for the wealthy.
  • Their push against Medicare, and the irony of David Koch’s (probably preventable) death.
  • Their part in creating the political model that much of the western world relies on today, and the increasing divide between the “left” and “right”.
  • Maybe the fact that there is NO WAY their last name is ACTUALLY pronounced “Coke”.

You see, there’s just so much to choose from! And truthfully, it hurts our poor, tiny brains just thinking about it all.

That’s why, in this article, we won’t be writing about any of it!

Instead, we’re going to leave you with the best thing any Koch could give this world;

Wyatt Ingraham Koch

Let’s Say…

Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by T. LeMonde

As he looked around the room,
A grin came ‘cross his face.
Ben’s favourite time, it’s finally here;
The dreaded Q&A!

Dreaded by Millenials,
And Generation Z’s.
For genius is Ben’s mighty sword.
His kippah is the sheath.

Yet he knew that they’ll still form,
And wait their turn in line.
They’d prepared Ben their questionnaires.
Their questions; weak as twine.

So they asked, and Ben did cut,
With answers full of fact.
Or so he’d state, then followed by,
“’Cus feelings, you shan’t act”.

But Biases help him pick,
Choose all the facts he sees.
“Let’s say…” he’d start, no fact in mind,
Just pure hyperbole.

But his tongue moved quick, leaving
All flustered and annoyed.
But a room left quiet’s winning.
All arguments; “destroyed”.

Fanning the Flames

Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by T. LeMonde

War hero, anti-environmentalist and current President of Brazil, Jair Bolsonaro, is facing an environmental crisis the likes of which the world has never seen! And how is he choosing to combat it, you wonder? By complaining about “insults” hurled at him by some French dude and rejecting any foreign aid, of course!

But shouldn’t Jair be worried for the well-being of the Amazon, A natural monument that is responsible for 15-20% of the world’s oxygen? Maybe a little concerned for the many ecosystems the rain forest helps support?

Nah.

Instead, his focus seems to be on development, gold mining, the cattle industry and the “foreign environmentalists” who started the fires.

But much like Jair, we here at Trump le Monde, Inc. will not fret, and we ask all of our dear reader(s) to follow suit;

For growing up in a southern Ontario suburb has made us well aware that clear cutting, or in this case, possibly government funded arson, is the first step to diversifying and strengthening community!

Plus, it’s not clear cutting if they plant a bunch of tiny trees along the curb of each street.

Shouting; in 280 Characters or Less

Illustration by Casey Babb
Written by T. LeMonde

Twitter has given Trump a way to converse with the world, and the world listens. And as he uses that voice to further polarize the nation in which he leads, through questionable remarks or debunking fake news, a question still persists; are there rules for presidential Emoji use?

Instagram: @breaking_babb
Portfolio: www.breakingbabb.com

Therapy Sessions

Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by T. LeMonde

*click*

Light filled the room of the White House Presidential Suite as Melania sat up in bed. For the past few nights, she had noticed an increase in movement coming from Donald’s side. Although she wasn’t too concerned at first, these sleepless nights had clearly been taking a toll on her husband’s days. As she reached over to comfort her spouse, Donald turned over, his foggy eyes glaring at Melania. “What are you doing?” he grumbled.

“Is everything okay?” she asked.

“It’s just these Mueller testimonies,” he said as he rolled back over to face away from his wife. “Go back to bed”.

 

*click*

And as the light left the room, and Melania sunk back into bed, defeated, Donald lay awake, knowing full well that it wasn’t just the recent Robert Mueller testimony keeping him up. With thoughts of ‘fake news’ and ‘Russian meddling’ floating around his restless noggin, it was only natural that they would turn back into thoughts of his ex-attorney general, Jeff Sessions, and the heart break he endured after Sessions’ recusal from overseeing the Special Counsel’s investigation.

“… That was the biggest mistake,” he sobbed.

 

*A little about the image: This image was originally published on Trump Le Monde on March 25th, 2017, entitled ‘Training Sessions’. Obviously their relationship was short lived, but it’s nice that they both think of each other every so often.

co·jo·nes /kəˈhōˌnāz,-ˌnās/

Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by T. LeMonde

Donald Trump beckoned to his squire. “Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!” he shouted, as he took another sip of wine.

Much like his predecessors, Trump has been more than critical of North Korea during his presidency.

In 2002 during his State of the Union message, loveable man-child, George W. Bush, described North Korea as a part of an “axis of evil”. 17 years later, and it’s evident that those cold war beliefs are still widely accepted throughout North America.

Although means of communication have changed since Bush mumbled those words, trading verbal blows with North Korea’s government and comparing dong sizes in the form of “nuclear buttons” has yet to cease.

But will it?

In 2018, Kim Jong-Un and affiliates started a global mission to meet with leaders, most notably South Korean President Moon Jae-In and, of course, Donald Trump, to discuss working towards peace. And as the global mission continues into 2019, it is clearly having an impact.

In an unprecedented move, Trump transgressed borders and shook hands with Kim Jong-Un on North Korean soil, becoming the first American president to do so.

So could this in fact BE the end of the fear mongering? Can all parties look past their rough history, and traverse into a smooth future, less influenced by guns, bombs and bloodshed?

Probably not.

But even if the bickering never ends,

the least they could do was shake hands.

 

*A little about the image: This image was originally published on Trump Le Monde on April 15th, 2017 in response to Trump gloating about the use of the MOAB.