Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by T. LeMonde
The names given to diseases and viruses can be such a mouthful.
Severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2)?
Coronaviruse disease (COVID-19)?
Who the hell has time to say THOSE?
The American population needs answers quick! People are frightened for their lives, and the last thing they want to do is listen to a blithering idiot sound out these unnecessarily long names. A short (and albeit catchy) name will do just fine, and although we tend to agree with the nicknames Trump bestows upon people (e.g. Mini Mike), viruses don’t seem to be his forte.
A viruses’ alternative name should not promote a racist agenda, or further disinform the population by perpetuating the idea that only people of Asian descent can contract this disease. Instead, it should calm the nerves of a public that is on the edge of the (proverbial) cliff.
And that’s why, we here at Trump le Monde, Inc. have brought you a list of proposed nicknames that are guaranteed to entice, while not hurting anybody’s feelings.
- Prickly B-Ball
- Gamer’s Delight
- March Break
- Cave Dwella’, Goodbye Fella’
- Microbial Hackysack
- Anything Other Than “Chinese Virus”
Please feel free to use any of these non-discriminatory nicknames throughout your daily corona-themed discussions, and if you come up with any of your own, let us know in the comment section!
*A little about the image: Another image from the vaults, originally published to Trump le Monde on December 20th of 2017, when resident artist, Scott Shields, was still using pen and ink. It was a different, healthier(???) time, but this image still seems to apply to today.