Illustration by Scott Shields
Written by Scott Shields
Although you’re going to be learning your multiplication tables at a very young age, it may take a little longer for you to learn about yourself.
During his campaign in 2018, Doug Ford, the less popular, charismatic and funny brother to the deceased Rob Ford, who he’s definitely not riding the coattails of, took time to ridicule the Ontario Liberal government’s 2015 sex-ed curriculum changes, stating that it was “based on ideology” and nothing more. So, upon winning the title of Ontario Premier, Ford and his government went to work, creating a shiny new, and more importantly, age appropriate curriculum that even the most sheltered heteronormative parent can agree with. While in the shop, the liberal curriculum was scrapped to be temporarily replaced with the ‘98 model.
In March of 2019, Ford’s Conservative’s gave Ontario teachers, students, and more importantly, sheltered heteronormative parents their first glimpse of the slick new curriculum. Through a beam of light, followed by the resounding cheers of Ford Nation and only a few audible groans (trust me, it was only a few), it emerged.
The forward-thinking curriculum will see that students still learn ideological and taboo topics such as consent, gender identity, sexting and same-sex relations. This time however, Papa Ford thinks that THOSE talks should wait ‘til you’re a little bit older, kiddo.